10.06.2004
trust
what makes you think you can trust me? by "knowing" me? by seeing my actions, and being able to judge decisions i'll make in the future based on how i have made decisions in the past? do the decisions i've made have anything to do with what i wanted to do? what if i just wanted to remain a trustworthy person? would you trust me if i made decisions differently? if i decided to do what i wanted to do, rather than what i should do? do you base trust off of what a person wants to do? or what they end up doing?
it seems that i have a lot of questions. never really any answers. something i know is that this is my life, and i know that i'm not who i want to be.
i want to be trustworthy. i want to trust myself. i want want my desires to be the same as the "right thing."
that image of superman is on my desktop. i think i put it there because it's not one of the normal images of superman that you see. normally he looks strong, or is breaking through chains, or fighting a villain. in this image, you can tell he's thinking. i believe he's thinking about how he wants more than anything to be normal. he wants a relationship with louis lane, and wants to get hurt, he wants to bleed. he's tired of being strong, and the hero, and representing what's "right." but he knows that's a fantasy because people need him. they trust him. i think that when he hears someone scream, he wants to look to the sky and see someone else swoop down and save the family from the burning car. but he knows that that family is depending on him. he knows that he is their only chance. yet again he chooses to do what he *should* do and not what he truly *wants* to do.
i don't know where i'm going with this, except that i wanted to say that i don't always make the right decisions. in fact, i often make the wrong ones. but duh, who doesn't? i don't know. i guess i'm just really hard on myself. i should rename this blog "n8's pity party"
peace, i'm out.
nateposted this @ 2:50 AM
3 comments
3 Comments:
"Remember, people will judge you by
your actions, not your intentions.
You may have a heart of gold --
but so does a hardboiled egg."
Author Unknown
Wow,
Great post.
Being who you want to be takes risk, takes a leap of faith even. In a perfect world, there would be no judgement on our decisions or our intentions, but unfortunately there will be- either way. Its a true test of character, for you and everyone around you, when you take that first step, but its worth it.
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